POLITICAL GUIDEPOSTS
NIXON tied FDR for being on the National Ticket of a major party 5 times in 1972…FDR won all four of his presidential bids but few recall he was a VP nom in 1920 with Gov Cox of Ohio and they got smashed by Warren G Harding with the promise of a “return to normalcy”
Since 1980 a Bush or a Dole has been on the Republican ticket 7 times as VP or P….
1. 80 was Reagan/Bush
2. 84 was Reagan/Bush
3. 88 was Bush/Quayle
4. 92 was Bush Quayle
5. 96 was Dole/Kemp
6. 00 was Bush/Cheney
7. 04 was Bush/Cheney
8. 08 was McCain/Palin
…and of course as you see if you don’t have BUSH on the ticket you prob LOSE – grassy knoll conspiracy? I report you decide
PENNSYLVANIA has only been able to produce ONE winning Presidential candidate = “confirmed bachelor” old tired James Buchanan
GROVER CLEVELAND has been the only President to be tossed aside for 4 years and then rebound to win an additional four years
GERALDINE FERRARO has been the only woman ever on a national ticket of a major party = 1984 with losing Fritz Mondale to Ronald Reagan/George Bush
BARACK OBAMA is the first AfroAmerican transracial President on a major political party ticket, however in 1928, the Republicans had a Native American winning as VP: Kansas Senator Charles Curtis who was ¾ Native American on his maternal side – cool fact eh?
POLITICS
LEADER BOEHNER profiled by WA POST in one and a quarter page article
CA SEN: R nom, the surging CARLY whom HEADLINERS officially endorsed rushed to hospital for “infection” via her breast cancer surgery. HEADLINERS wishes a good quick healthy rebound to kick ass on the insufferable diminutive Sen Boxer……
R Leadership screening Top Staff resumes “to help newbies”
IOWA HOUSE races pop up on the radar
The Reverend Jesse Jackson Sr waves the 14th amendment as reason to vote against Rs next week…..
BUBBA headed to RHODE ISLAND to campaign for Caprio….paybacks are a biotche aren’t they?
OBAMA coming to Tom Jefferson’s college for PERRIELLO in VA5
2012: Scalded Dog Barbour sprinkles $440,000 to key early states = Govs, Senate and House candidates as well as lower ticket Rs
2012: America’s Mayor Rudy floats his own name and his posse/entourage for another hilarious unorganized pathetic campaign that allows Dame Judith and her tiara to coincidentally call him on his cell while addressing audiences…perhaps he should stay home and be a father to the klepto daughter….just a thought
INDEPENDENTS turning to GOP in key Senate races across the nation
AK SEN: Momma Grizzly to do final rally for the recently self admitted LIAR disciplined R nom n Tea Party fav JOE MILLER in Alaska to try and suppress the WRITE IN education/effort or LISA LISA
TAX DODGING ethics-challenged CHARLIE RANGEL’s defense lawyers walk away from him prior to House Ethics trial, no reason given….TTBO……he’s a slug
GA SEN: R nom, Johnny Isakson warns against Shutting down the Govt….wise man…”will hurt the troops, military….” If only the incoming flotsam n jetsam and Uber Conservatives would think their gaseous blurts a bit more
DEMOCRATS not outspent by Rs this cycle…..AFSCME, SEIU, AFL-CIO pass the secret money donors we all fear that have augmented the lame pathetic RNC chaired by inspirational Chair MIKE STEELE: TTBO, now more than ever…sooner the better….
WH lowers expectations of OBAMA campaign stops and his effect on races…”its Bush’s fault I have to do this…or the candidates own fault they don’t win” sez GIBBS
THE HILL, the weak sister rag on politics in DC claims nothing less than a R gain of 50 seats
R Conference Chair MIKE PENCE mulling stepping down from this top slot to test INDY Gov or 2012 Prez bid……reminds me of a song from the Mid 60s: Indiana calls me, Lord I can’t go back there…..HEADLINERS officially asks for God’s blessings on his future plans
AR SEN: po’ poor BLANCHE, D Senator looking for a pen pal or anyone to talk to her as she already blames her upcoming defeat on liberal union progressive favorite LT GOV HALTER for draining the energy and money from her re-election effort. R nom Congressman BOOZMAN up over 15points with a week to go….so sad
CA GOV: R nom, MEG - the Titanic plays coy as Diane Sawyer on ABC repeatedly presses how deep will she dig into her purse to keep campaigning….Moonbeam is not a lock yet ….keep it going MEG…KTBO…we don’t need Moonbeam from the 70s back still on the govt tit….
FL GOV DEBATE: D nom SINK cheats and admits it and does the honorable thing by firing her aide who violated the rules the next morning. HEADLINERS suggests Balding R nom SCOTT use her talents post his win next week…she is NOT A DC Democrat!
CA HOUSE: Loretta faces Latina female as an Indie on the ballot in the Ballot of the Ethnics…as Vietnamese vs Hispanic communities face off in Orange County
NV SEN: Clowntown uses decoy to escape public event….then Tuesday her campaign attorney, CLETA MITCHELL pens a letter to Voters “HARRY intends to steal the election…we must rally and stay in engaged… omg…..lock the doors, release the hounds!
SPKR STRETCH: it is Speaker or Nothing……as rumors leak out from her top staff…will the Vatican accept her ambassadorship? ProChoice and all, Sister Boom Boom flies over as special emissary to POPE B16 for the San Francisco congresswoman
NV SEN Happy Harry presser gets cash to marry Lebanonese terror suspect who gets his green card, deported post divorce….rot ro…so ugly the last 8 days, REID denies any knowledge of sham marriage which was never consummated FOX NEWS reports. There is no truth REID had him fill out an absentee ballot however….not true, it's only the illegal Mexicans they are allowing to vote!
CO SEN: R nom Tea Party ‘tard KEN BUCK publicly states “I disagree strongly with the concept of Separation of Church and State” must be something in the water out in Colorado. HEADLINERS officially endorses incumbent D nom, Sen Bennet – the ‘tard caucus is large enough already
PA SEN: D nom Admiral Sestak, “mr clean” allows/encourages Philly D AfroAmerican machine to glom with Union thugs to do WALKING AROUND MONEY, buying off the Black Ministers as his only chance to offset TOOMEY….hitting 28k households a day, over 295,000 voters contacted in door to door walking in PHILLY ALONE…
What a City of Brotherly Corrupt Love! Rocky theme played ad nauseum in the Italian wards of South Philadelphia
CHICAGO MAYOR: Jesse Jr staying in the House with Louis Guitierrez…such big talk and small appendages when push comes to shove eh?
NY GOV Rent is too Damn High Party nom made into ACTION FIGURE….and you wonder why the Taliban hates us so
HOYER Bests VAN HOLLEN as DCCC largest donor with huge check…..thats what I call LEADERSHIP my friends!!
RI GOV, fellow former coke sniffing dood, Indie nom, former R Senator Linc Chafee runs OBAMA ad after D snafu with the WH
BUBBA bars NM retiring Gov, traitorous Bill Richardson at the door at his fundraiser this past weekend…so sad Bill you crapped on the wife in 2008 - - Richardson laughed delightedly when told “It’s a ticketed event Governor you can’t come in….” just desserts eh? Payback is such a biotche
FL GOV: neither R nor D noms know the state minimum wage…..rot ro
DE SEN: NonWitch, R nom ODonnell asks supporters for their prayers and says the “GOD called me to this campaign…..”
WA SEN: all eyes turn to D Sen “Sneakers” as control teeters on the mail voting state…could be weeks? Oh the drama, the drama
TINY RHODE ISLAND, D nom for GOV tells Obama to “shove it” with his endorsement….why is the D national leader, our beloved Yes We Can Man, campaigning in the most D state in the union at this late date in the cycle?
KY SEN DEBATE: fisticuffs erupt outside the debate studio btw camps….as tongue daggers dance btw the two tooling noms, Rand’s supporters stomp on head of MOVEON.org supporter. UNCALLED FOR – this is not Russia
KY SEN DEBATE: Dr Rand manhandles the smug frat pretty boy floyd in the actual debate with verbal putdowns…
NV SEN: Clowntown goes up with last ad = heavy Hispanic border infiltration – no doubt about it…..no Asian looking Hispanics in sight….”Harry’s not on your side”
SLEEVELESS ONE begs San Francisco fundraising attendees “Barack cannot do this alone….You’ve got to have his back….” Arrogance is so pitiful – him, her, their party….goes on and on, I weep, honestly I weep
TEA PARTY petering out since the last primary…..wobbly with organization to impact in a positive way their primary winners
RNC inspirational Chair MIKE STEELE sends cash to Samoa, US Virgin Islands, Guam, Puerto Rico, Northern Mariana Islands…hires Fred Radewagen as consultant at $10,000 for work in August and September….now we are beginning to know where his $23M surplus evaporated too…TTBO now more than ever, the sooner the better
JOHN FRUM of WSJ calls Dick Morris the most “amoral political consultant”
FELLOW and FORMER Republican Congressmen name the worst Politician? NEWT GINGRICH…there is hope afterall – Democrats tap FL’s smarmy GRAYSON
AK SEN: Tea Party and R nom JOE MILLER reveals his ethics F up and 3day suspension ….PALIN twitters a jab at LISA LISA…..during the two person debate as JOE tries to find his manhood and personal militia
IL SEN: R nom KIRK snares afro-american minister Willie Wilson for endorsement…right on!
FL SEN: RUMORS FLYING MONDAY that we will see D nom MEEK drop and endorse CRIST…don’t buy the BS
TOP SELLING HALLOWEEN POLITICAL MASKS this year? BLAGO and nonWitch O’DONNELL – one can get them online and print them out and cut the eyes out to wear at this wkend’s parties fawning readers may be attending – or you can go as Whitebread and be Pawlenty, or Deputy Dog and be Cornpone Huckabee or a Momma Grizzly or a Scalded Dog and be Barbour or a slick MadMen Romney in suit – tie and aqua velva hair in place….or an empty gaseous balloon and be NEWTIE NEWT
CELEBRITY SCOOPAGE
Oscar winner KEVIN COSTNER to host CMT’s celebration of country awards show
GLEE celebrates ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW 35th anniversary with an hour of Glee version as they salute the Sweet Transvestite from Transexual Transylvania as Dr Frank-n-Furter lives…he’s alive…..
Old Codger, RENE, admits “we were crying at the birth of the twins….Mr Celine Dion, age 68 has not revealed the names yet but relays Celine’s love for her fans – Celine will begin rehearsal for her new faboo Vegas show beginning in January…we tried 5 times to conceive since Rene-Charles” = their 9 yr old son happy he has brothers
DWTS Brandy has been “Sex Free” for six years and its topic #1 on Ryan Secrest daily radio show…guess he can relate?
SPLITSVILLE: overrated youthful actor Shia LeBoeuf and oscar nommed British actress Carrie Mulligan
CANCELLED: Queen of Soul, ARETHA pulls a Charlottesville concert due to “health reasons”
DEAD at 90 yrs old, ALEX ANDERSON, the cartoonist who created Rocky J Squirrel & Bullwinkle J Moose of Frostbite Falls as well as Dudley Do-Right, the Canadian Mountie who always was pursuing Snidley Whiplash and his oft twirled mustache….. outrageous puns and veiled Cold War commentary went right over most childrens’ heads but not HEADLINERS! Dayum shame Alex is gone
DEAD at 98, NY playwright JOSEPH STEIN who developed Fiddler on the Roof from a Yiddish short story into a classic piece of Broadway and Hollywood history
CASTING COUCH: Oscar winners, Headliners personal all time Favorite: MERYL, and Sandra Bullock join ORRAH, an Oscar nom to star in comedy about Home Shopping Network penned by grossly overrated comedy lite auteur Sex & the City muse Michael Patrick King
HEADLINERS officially nonendorses Taylor Swift tunes…who else is tired of her story songs that all sound alike…”You were in college, you were on the highschool football team….we first kissed……pitchy, who cares hon that you were in the bleachers
MARRIED! TV’s Blossom’ best friend Six LeMeure
LAST SEASON of one of the best written realistic shows ever FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS coming to a close….dayum shame, seriously
MADGE to open Fitness gyms merged with “entertainment” worldwide as the Material Girl expands her spread…music, film, clothing, children’s books now gyms…
NYPD called to CHARLIE SHEEN’s FREAKOUT at the PLAZA hotel room after woman next door gets scared and hears him tossing furniture and using foul screaming language…time to put him to pasture from TV and lock him up….he’s so overrated as the smarmy manwhore on CBS’ comedy: 2 and a Half Men…that’s not acting, that’s HIM! Agent/publicist confirms Charlie was found drunk and naked in his room due “to an allergic reaction” to some alcohol he drank…..sure he was…he’s a pig
SHEEN is put away in NYC psych room….UN urges “calm” - - - rubber room stocks boom on Wall Street, Poppa Martin on his way to visit
ROSE BOWL whips up a tasty Grand Marshal PAULA DEAN….she promises to slide down a float full of buttercups
NY POST reporting Charlie was on a COKE and HOOKER rampage at the Plaza, X wife Denise and their daughters were across the hall…take the girls aways from this slug now before they get hurt and killed. Denise shows up on FOX n FRIENDS to discuss “the incident”
Noted iconic influential rapper/drug dealer user = T.I. ordered to report to Arkansas federal prison…….one sided gang rape to follow Headliners is sure….squeal like a piggy….Deliverance banjo theme is cued 11month term will make him the Holland Tunnel….and you know what I am saying
NOT ENGAGED! Janet, Miss Jackson if you’re NASTY, Jackson of wardrobe malfunction at the Superbowl half time show notoriety confirms she’s still single However she promises LaToya will warble We’ve only just Begun at her wedding when she ties the knot - again
OSCAR winner to debut her C & W talents on CMA Awards show, Gwyneth Paltrow, to warble her auto-bio song Proud to be a TV Directors Daughter on November 10. Cissy Spacek signs to play her in Hollywood version of said song = hopes for a new Oscar
PBS premiers to loud acclaim a revised NEW version of Sherlock Holmes with Brit unknown hottie Benedict Bumberbatch in the lead…HEADLINERS officially endorses the watching of the mystery series…and yes that is a real last name of the Brit
TOSSED OUT: Poppa Joe’s legal appeal over control of departed beloved MJ’s estate…Poppa Joe not happy
HIT LIST? Newly sworn in as Canadian citizens M/M Randy Quaid issue statement they are on a mysterious “HIT LIST”????? shame what drugs do to the brain isn’t?
BONDED BREASTS! Janet Jackson reveals hers were wrapped down as a “child actress” when she played the adorable PENNY on Good Times
JERAIME, wispy voiced bro, of departed beloved MJ performs tribute to him in VEGAS, Michael’s 3 children in the audience as he dons MJ’s military tunics and recreated dance moves and pops while singing the cover songs….Planet Hollywood Casino was the location…LaToya runs onto stage and sings BEN, about the rat in the finale – is this family officially creepy or not?
SPORTS
Cowboys QB Tony gets a broken collar bone…prob out for the season…..maybe the coach can get a broken hip so the “Boys can return to their glory days
SEXTING BEAST Brett stress fractures in his ankle….how convenient as JENN signals she will cooperate with the NFL authorities – rot ro
WORLD CUP predicting octopus PAUL dies after 2 and a half years after living at Kraut aquarium……had an agent and donations will be used to fund a Greek wildlife preserve for calamari. OBAMA pauses during campaign stop to blame BUSH and his global warming policies for the untimely death
PITT HOOPS COACH “Good Samaritan” at highway rescue of two crash victims as he damages his hands pulling them through jagged smashed windshield - PA Troopers confirm…HEADLINERS likes to see folks giving back….kudos to the stud
UFC confirms BROCK will not be fighting THE UNDERTAKER any time soon despite the demands of the fans…..this is not Rome’s Circus Maximus
NATIONAL
Former POTUS BUSH 43 to do Matt Lauer where daughter JENNA works then OPRAH second to promo his book in exclusive interviews Nov 8 and 9…HEADLINERS waiting word if “Bushie” as we called him in the private jets in the early days of the 2000 campaign will take your texted questions when I get my exclusive
American Hospitals experiencing Blizzard Babies from 2010 Feb snow storms that crippled the east coast – no Snooki nor Brandy celibacy here eh?
MEN’S HEALTH Month is NOVEMBER and men the world over are encouraged to grow Mustaches…in show of solidarity….Males are urged to check their testicles and have their prostates examined – this most manly of movements began in the down under, our friends the Aussies. HEADLINERS officially endorses this healthful tip and focus for Movember as it is called in Oz
TOURISTS staying away from NYC due to bed bug infestation….hotels, tourist sites outraged and plead for assistance…
XEROX to cut 2500 jobs
OBAMA’s Drug Czar makes himself known and useful….issues warning to CALI “DOJ looking at all options to prosecute if legalized recreational marijuana passes…”
HUBBLE SPACE TELESCOPE finds, records a galaxy far far away…like 13.1 B years ago….earliest and most distant ever seen…Luke Skywalker chillin’ in the sand
WYOMING hit with a 4.6 quake in Yellowstone – rot ro…causing Buffalos to rut early….they feel the earth move under their hooves, Carole King to sing to them at night
TRIAL of TOM DELAY begins in Austin….after 4 yrs under the proctology exam….funny how the House Ethcs Cmte cannot seem to bring Dirty Tax Dodging Rangel nor banking favorite MAXINE to a head eh?
ANGRY SMELLY ELMO attacking tourists in NYC known as Evil Elmo he harasses tourists if they don’t pay after forcing them to take photos with him….is this a job for O DONNELL post November 2? HEADLINERS officially will pray to God for career guidance advice for Christine
OBAMA denies “bags of money” were delivered to Mayor of Kabul/President Karzai…”they were merely a gift from Chicago to its sister city the wonderous, wild and wooly Kabul”
NORTH DAKOTA oil production to triple this year to over 30M barrels…so why are we still importing from the despicable Sauds? Drill Baby Drill…..all types of energy, HEADLINERS officially endorses use of NUCLEAR, WIND, SOLAR, CARBON, HUMAN, water,BIO blah blah, bla energy….get us off the Saudi/Arabian tit now more than ever, sooner the better
Daily dab of gel to replace The Pill
INTERNATIONAL
BRITISH ROYALS funding slashed 14%...Rottweiller forced to eat canned dog food ….travel to be done by car not royal helicopter, QE2 “graciously agreed” to the reduction, Prince Phillip still pissed and mumbles about the “wogs in Parliament”
CHINA says Panda Bear baby boom ongoing….no blizzards were reported in Panda Bear region of China earlier this year however – could it be love truly?
CHINA burgeoning wealth brings back pet dogs…and my how they are pampered…but no one wants those ratty Mexican chichichuas…nor Frog miniature poodles…
CHINA Three Gorges Dam now at maximum capacity water level and electrical production after start up two years ago
BRITAIN’s giant stag murdered after his photo was in the papers….9ft stag had a rack on him worthy of a trophy room unto itself…animal lovers aghast….Princess Margaret mum on where she was that morning during the shoot
CHINA urged to resume “Rare Earth” shipments….they mine 95% of the earth’s unique elements which impact products from military, to cellphones to magnets and computers….USA is easily 3 to 5 yrs from opening and production of its own Rare Earth Mining production….save the whales!
INDONESIA Volcano erupts…20 injured by hot ash at least 19 dead from ash
INDONESIA Tsunami 10 foot wave gobbles up 113 to their death, scores missing
IRAQI COURT sentences Saddam’s dapper Foreign Minister to hang for harassment of Shiites – dayum shame
NIGERIA finds 13 burnt corpses over land dispute
AFGHANI GOVT taking bags of cash from IRAN and USA…..flatten this pathetic country once and for all
CANADIAN at GITMO pleads guilty…stone him
AUSSIE TATOO ARTIST charged with “assault” after inking a 16inch penis on the back of his friend whom he then punched….sounds Freudian to me
60,000 SOMALIS flee Islamic insurgent fighting…UN urges “Calm”
97 bones found in drained lake in Bosnia/Serbia…..here comes another genocide, ethnic cleansing trial folks
